Part 2 - Emotion Coaching

What do you say when your kids are crying? If you are like me, at some point you might have said: "It is okay. Just stop crying. It will be fine!" 

But what if I told you that trying to dismiss your child's cry and feelings is making them less emotionally intelligent than they could be if you used Emotion Coaching. 

Emotion coaching is a technique coined by Dr. John Gottman, that is meant to be used by parents when interacting with their children and increasing their emotional intelligence. It encourages parents to guide children on how to express, name, and deal with their feelings.

There are five basic steps to emotion coaching: 

1. Be aware of your child’s emotion;
2. Recognize your child’s expression of emotion as a perfect moment for intimacy and teaching;
3. Listen with empathy and validate your child’s feelings;
4. Help your child learn to label their emotions with words;
5. Set limits when you are helping your child to solve problems or deal with upsetting situations appropriately.

These steps when used can help children learn how to cope with negative feelings and self-regulate. 

Since learning about these steps, I was able to use them with my 3 year old nephew while he was throwing a tantrum. I was amazed when it worked and helped him call down much faster than the usual. 

Here is a great resource that shows what emotion coaching could look like:

If you would like to learn more about this topic, I recommend reading Dr. Gottman's book: Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

Let me know if you found this information helpful! 

Best, 

Bianca. 

REFERENCES: 

Lisitsa, E., Fraser, C., & Smyth, S. (2022, February 13). A research-based approach to relationships. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved February 17, 2022, from https://www.gottman.com/